I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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