I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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