I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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