Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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