This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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