Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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