i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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