So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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