Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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