Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
