Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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