I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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