idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
