I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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