Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize