I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
