Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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