Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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