guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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