I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.