Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
