I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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