I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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