I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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