you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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