SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
