I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina is officially offended.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
