Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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