Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize