Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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