Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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