I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
