Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
