Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
