gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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