I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
