'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
