Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
