like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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