are you still at the devil's house?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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