Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
