he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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