He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
