The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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