I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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