U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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