You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
