A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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