She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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