He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
