I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
