I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
