Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
