I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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