He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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