I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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