NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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