Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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