So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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