do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
