Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
