Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
