Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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