I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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