i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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