you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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