Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
