I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
