Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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