i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish you could order shots online.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
