ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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