Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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