God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
