I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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